So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
