I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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