I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
