I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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