What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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