i think my tv is drunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
