White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
