Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
