If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
