Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
