He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
