I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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