I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
