i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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