how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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