I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
