I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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