I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
