so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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