So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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