Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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