Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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