He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
