The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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