just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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