Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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