I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is Oprah even human
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
