Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i will never coherently bang her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
