Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize