I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
