They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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