My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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