Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
