you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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