then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
