Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
