Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
