Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
