Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
