please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
