Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
