You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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