it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
