I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
