I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
