He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize