His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
