so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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