Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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