i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's rum buckets o'clock
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
