omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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