I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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