dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
