1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to have your abortion
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
