Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
did i walk over a car last night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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