we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I love having hate sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
