I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
