im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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