is your mom at the bar?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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