Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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